Confessions

I'm going to be honest with you. My spiritual health has been severely lacking over the past couple years. I could make an unending list of excuses for reasons why that is, but I won't waste your time. The point is that I've been doing a crappy job of maintaining a relationship with God, and I am sick of it. Things have been bad for so long that I can't even really remember when I last felt filled with God's love or peace. At most, I would feel apathy and at worst, bitterness. And maybe those two should be switched around.

Anyway, I guess I'm writing this as a type of confession. It's so easy to hide spiritual issues, especially when you are surrounded by Christians at home, church, and work (but not work for much longer). It's also hard to talk about it when you can't really identify the main issue. It's not just a simple "I'm struggling with ___. Can you pray for me?" Honestly, I don't know the root of my issue. I don't think I am mad at God, struggling with some big secret sin, or doubting His existence. Maybe I'm just feeling stagnant?

One of my main motivations for wanting to change is the start of friendships with my new co-workers. After a two year gap, I am finally interacting again with people who weren't necessarily raised in the church. It is refreshing! It also brings new challenges of how to "come out" about my faith with them. Does that sound ridiculous? I know it shouldn't be so difficult, but it is! I am very out of practice. And unlike in high school, I now have a solid fear of pushing people away by telling them what I believe. You can go ahead and judge me for that, but I feel pretty strongly that it's a sensitive subject and I want to approach it the right way. I've learned that many people have had some terrible experiences in the church, and they automatically associate Christians with those experiences. I don't want to be another person who pushes them away from God.

I have talked with a couple co-workers about my faith in a general way, mentioning my church and that my husband went to school to be a pastor (thanks for that "in", Toby :] ), but I know more is to follow. Does anyone have examples of GOOD experiences talking about faith with co-workers? How do you avoid awkwardness? I do not want any Bibles ending up shoved down throats.

Maybe I just need to start with getting my own beliefs sorted out. I'm working on it.

Thanks for listening! I will keep you updated as things progress. Have an excellent week.

H

Being Homeless

Okay, so we're not literally homeless, and no, this is not a post about homeless people (but it did catch your attention, right?). What I'm talking about is being spiritually homeless, or rather, churchless.

Since moving to Minnesota, I have attended/visited 9 different churches. Two of those we attended for at least a year each, and the rest range from 1 week to 3 months. And right now, we have still not officially decided to commit to a certain church. We really have legitimate explanations for leaving the churches - especially the two that we attended longterm - but, now I just can't help but feel homeless. 

I know that we need to just choose one and understand that no church is going to be perfect, but for some reason we are having a really hard time deciding. There seem to be major flaws with every place we visit. I guess it doesn't help that we would really like a church in our community, and our home happens to be in a Protestant desert. Apparently, all of the evangelicals decided to focus on every other area of the city except our own. :(

I've joked about starting a home church, but my husband doesn't seem too keen on that idea. I suppose it might be a tad difficult with everyone we know living on the other side of town (20 miles at the minimum), but wouldn't that solve our problem of not being content? When you make all the decisions yourself, you can't blame other people for your problems, right? Oh well, maybe in another decade...

We're visiting a new church tonight, and I am fairly optimistic about it. Toby attended this church during seminary and stopped attending because of the distance, but now we are close by again. Maybe it is "the one." Or maybe we are too picky (make that definitely). But how do you lower your expectations, and how do you prioritize church qualities? Aside from statement of faith, are all qualities the same in God's eyes? Didn't He write a book about that? Oh, yeah, that's right. But the Book tells me to cover my head in church...is there anything translated to the 21st century? Am I offending some people? Are you sick of my questions?

Okay, I'm done. That's enough food for thought today. Speaking of food...I'm going to eat lunch. As always, I leave you with a song.

H