I don’t have too much news to report, so this blog will likely just be more of the same chatter you’ve heard from me before. However, I noticed that some people DO actually check my blog on a regular basis, so I figured maybe I should give them something to read!
I guess I should share that I am doing a lot better than I was a couple months ago. You may not have been able to tell, but I was in a fairly dark place this winter/spring, and I am so glad it is over. I’m not saying that I wake up each day feeling happy-go-lucky (I mean honestly, does anyone?), but the overall darkness/blues/sadness is gone. I want to say that I am still not fully “myself,” but I have also considered the possibility that I really just have changed. I’m not the same person that I was even three years ago, and I’ve decided that’s okay.
I am currently reading a book about marriage that describes how marriages are always changing, evolving, because individuals are always changing. That is not an idea I have really recognized before, probably because I am not a huge fan of change. I like to think of myself as the person I was when I felt I was at my BEST. My PEAK. Do you know what I mean? (Are you making fun of me because I’m only 25 and talking about already passing my peak? If so, I don’t blame you. I’m sure I will look back on this and laugh at me too.) I think my personal peak was my junior year of college. I had a ton of close friends, I was in a great routine spiritually, I did well in school, and I felt incredibly confident.
But, you know what? Life changes. I’m not that person anymore. I have different (and fewer) friends, I often struggle spiritually, I’m starting a new chapter in school, and I am nowhere near as confident as I was then. And I’m sure all of these things will change again soon! I also have a ton of new wonderful parts of my life that didn’t exist back then, and I definitely would NOT change places with myself if I could. This is who I am now, and it’s time I just accept it.
On a brighter note, I have been trying to seize the day a bit more. Because I can’t just hop on a plane and move to California tomorrow, I’ve decided to try and live it up where I am. I’m constantly looking for events and activities going on in my city to fill my weekends so I don’t end up just sitting on the couch the whole time. So far, that has included some concerts, an outdoor art festival, and two off-Broadway shows (coming up!). It’s been really fun!
I think that’s all for now. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much with my self-reflection. Thanks for reading!