So, depending on how well you know me, you might have observed that I am currently on a Facebook fast. I am somewhat addicted to Facebook, and our new church (which we both LOVE - answer to prayer) is doing a 40-day fast to focus on prayer. I know it's a little shallow and immature to just fast from Facebook, but it honestly consumes a ton of my free time. There are many benefits to having an iPhone, and constant connection to the internet is one of them. Unfortunately for me, that means I am checking Facebook at all hours of the day, basically whenever I get distracted or bored by whatever else I am doing. I'm pretty sure that is unhealthy behavior and also puts me in the same category as 7th grade girls...hence the fast.
The thing is, fasting from Facebook has turned out to be extremely easy. Maybe I wasn't as addicted to it as I thought. However, I haven't really figured out how to do the whole "focus on prayer" part. I feel really out of practice.
I don't know if this stems from some anger at God from losing my nephew last fall (let's face it, I DO know), but I'm finding it really difficult to pray. It's almost like I'm afraid to ask for anything, even wisdom or guidance, because I don't know how much He cares. I do believe that He hears me, but I'm really unsure how much He directly intervenes. Honestly, I struggle with this issue probably once a year. There is just so much hurt in the world! The fact that God sees it all and doesn't stop it kind of makes me sick, but I also accept that there is a lot about God that I don't understand. I still believe that Jesus loves and saves me, and that basic faith is about all I can handle right now.
Whew, I did not intend to get that deep in this blog. I guess that's why blogging is such a good outlet - once I start writing, I often uncover thoughts I didn't even realize I had. Thanks for listening.
I love you all.
Here are a couple videos from a Josh Garrels concert I went to last week. He's amazing. Go check him out.